It's been a while >>;;

anyway~ I'm just on to announce... our dog (who is about 1 year old >>) is having puppies~! She's given birth to 9 already, and she's fine~ <3 I named one too~ <3 I named one of the girl puppies Alice =3 Anyway, need to get back to helping <33

the best story you will ever read~

(It was a group effort of me and my friends Katie, Maria, Grant, Jason, and Tegumi)

There once was a princess names Adam who was being stalked by a homicidal nymphomaniac midget named Hiv who rode a dragon named Paco. One day the princess was walking in the garden of penis when suddenly Paco ate her but he had explosive diarrhea and she rode home to the castle of kumquats in the land of rainbows.

Flabbergasted end

And because health class has taught us nothing other than the fact that jocks are dumber than we give them credit for, we might be writing more like this xDD

Also, I have learned that my hatred of people is much... bigger than I thought. Thanks for helping me figure this out fellow choir students. I shall see you all in hell someday <<

argh... so early.... T_T

It's 5am, and I'm ready to start throwing a temper tantrum. I'm sure I'll be happy by the time I get to school though.

Chinese class just seems to get easier and easier... We were in one of the computer labs on Wednesday, and I ended up finishing early... I spent most of the class time either talking, listening to my mp3 player, or helping people who hadn't finished. But mostly listening to my mp3 player, since Mrs. Wang is amazing and will let you do just about anything in her class as long as you are working or done with the given assignment. We had a test yesterday, and... Mrs. Wang started joking that she shouldn't even bother and just give me the A. >>; I still took the test of course, but... I ended up with a perfect score plus 5 points extra credit.... >>;;

I have a test in Mr... Mr.... something. I honestly don't care about his name. I just call him Mrs. Bitch behind his back, so... Anyway.... I have a test in his class today. Yay. I'd say some things about him, but I'll feel like a total asshole afterwards, so...

I had a test on Act 1 of Romeo and Juliet... Kinda boring. Although, I did make fun of Lulu (even though he's an awesome person) by telling him that the first time I saw him... I thought he was gay.... The funny thing is that I still think he is. Maybe he'll hook up with my magical faggot (george =3) someday?

I had a test in math yesterday too. Normal the teacher is a douche, but he gave away plums, so I can't complain <333

I still can't stand choir. It doesn't help that we're going do be doing some stupid, preppy choreographing to Popular from Wicked. I still can't believe how dumb some people are. Mrs. Cushman (the choir director) had to explain about 15 times that Wicked is also a book. And they wonder why I hate them...

I have a test in Mr. Douche's class too. I don't even know what the test is on, but whatever. As long as he isn't talking in his annoying voice, then I'm fine.

Anyway, I'm proud of how amazing I am. I accidentally fell asleep while reading last night, and my gum was still in my mouth, my book was at the same place I left off at, and not a single tear or fold in my book <3 I'm fucking magic. Maybe I'll use my 'magic powers' to slap Katie in the face with a really big book? <3333

lol... Katie... Respect your elders, bitch!

It's rainy today...

There's lots of rain clouds out right now, and when I woke up it was pouring...

I don't like rainy days. They always feel so sad... And the clouds always make it so dark out... Not to mention you can't go outside with out stepping in mud...

I really like windy days that sunny. It's a perfect blend. The happy sun warming the earth and casting a brilliant glow on everything, and the wind acting like an air conditioner, so it's not too hot, and it's not freezing cold. You could just focus on the sunlight and forget all about the wind, or focus on the wind and forget about the sun....

but you can't do that with the rain... It's just cold and gloomy...

.....

I'm pretty happy right now I guess....

I've got a few volunteer jobs that I love, I have friends who care about me and for who I would give the world to see happy every moment of their lives, I'm in choir working hard to improve in singing as much as I can, I've got a few chances to achieve my dream, I have a chance to see Morning Musume, I have a family that I love with all my heart, I have amazing and cute pets, I have some great classes and great teachers, and it seems as though everywhere I look, I'm surrounded by people who love me.

...I... I feel so happy. And so fortunate. I... I can fall on my ass, and I know a friend will just point and laugh. I can break down and start crying in the middle of class, and I know a friend will start picking on someone to make me laugh. I can act like a total bitch, and I know a friend will slap me across the face and tell me to stop. I can start singing in class, and I know a friend will stand up and join me. I can make a mistake, and I know a friend will correct me... My friends are amazing, and I love them. Even if we get upset, sad, happy, or start fighting, I know everything will be alright because we're amazing like that.

I love my family. Sure, my immediate family is small, consisting of my mother, who I love so much and will always be my mommy, even if say otherwise, my sister, who I used to fight with everyday but ended up like a best friend to me, my brother, who I miss and worry about everyday, my brother in law, who is the newest addition to my family, but I still love the same as every one else, my father, and myself... But my extended family is much larger. Having two short, but wonderful grandmothers, 36 known aunts and uncles, some of which I've never met, but I know if cool in their own way, and about 400 known cousins, most of which I've never met, but I know with that many of them... there's bound to be plenty of bonds to be made. Plenty of family to love. Plenty of love to share.

I wish everyday for those precious to me to be happy. To live long happy lives, and to fall in love with the perfect someone. It seems strange to think about myself. It seems strange for me not to sacrifice something for someone else's happiness. And when I don't... Immediately after, I wish I had. But... god, I'm such a dumbass! I feel like a dumbass and a burden just for existing... Everyday, I wish I could just disappear. I feel as though that'll just solve everything...

...I'm an idiot. I don't even know what I'm saying anymore.... just... I don't know....

lol

RAWR goes the chicken

RAWR goes the duck

RAWR goes the hobo in the back of my truck

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I suck at dance lessons lately. Every time we get to a certain part, Panda has to instruct me while doing her part, so she's shouting 'step! jump! turn! spin! don't hesitate! keep smiling damn it! cross! cross! drop! kick! back! spin! I said keep smiling!! jump! left! step! step! faster!' (her own words to describe what I have to do) above the music, and I'd love to say it helps, which it does, but it doesn't really help when I kick. I usually fall flat on my ass after that...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

YOU BURY THE PLANE CRASH SURVIVORS (I'll explain when I feel like it.)

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THE ANSWER TO EVERYTHING IS 7 (see above)

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Because the chicken likes to eat puppies. But Tweedledee and Tweedledum ate the chickens. Who shall eat the cats?

It shall her her royal fat ass, Kelsey. (see above)

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When is spelled W E N. (see above)

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Wow, I'm a bitch...



...


...


...



Whatever.

bitch~

rawr~ I'm ready to tear someone's head off. I'm in pain and it sucks~~~ Right now feel like either looking at flowers (preferably Birds of Paradise and other cool but common flowers) or laying in bed and watching Ni Hao Kai-lan until my head explodes... I think I'll go with the second option right now...

Mrs. Wang is amazing.

On Wednesday, Mrs. Wang, my Chinese teacher, had gotten her Chinese 2 roster for next year, and she let me take a peek at it~! <3 I got in~! <33 She also offered to tell everyone their grades that day. It's funny when she does, since whenever someone with an A goes up, she's just like 'Oh! You go sit down! You have A!' She's really funny, and she's really sweet too. I love Mrs. Wang. She's an awesome person~

Also, today, I got to class earlier than I have been for the past week, so I talked with her, and sometime before spring break, she wants to show the class Curse of the Golden Flower! So I just got totally excited and was like 'OMG Yes!' And we both started laughing.

She mentioned that she wanted to watch a movie after we had to turn in our textbooks. And her suggestion? Howl's Moving Castle! She told me her daughter is into anime, and they were watching the movie together recently. I freaked out and was just like 'OMG I love Howl's Moving Castle~!' So we started talking about how awesome the movie is, and now.... We're totally going to watch it at the end of the school year! <333

And I think the best part of today has been... I finally got to see a picture of Mrs. Wang's daughter! She's so~~~~ adorable! She looks really tall though... Great. Now 10 year olds are taller than me TT_TT.... Ah well. Her daughter is cute (in the not creepy way >> ) and sounds nice, so that's what matters, right? I can't wait for next year, since I'll finally get to meet her~ I think I'll greet her with a big hug... =3

Yay~!

I signed up to volunteer with EARS (Englewood Animal Rescue Sanctuary). I was at the Seafood Festival in Placida, when I saw their little both tent thingy, so I started thinking 'I love animals... maybe I'll give it a shot...' It was kinda new to me though... the thought I mean. It had a bit of regret in it... I don't know... but after a while, I had another thought 'Who knows? Maybe I can write about the cute animals there on my blog.' So I signed up~! It took a while, but it got done~! <3

I think the weirdest and most horrifying part was when I got upset, and I started shouting in... god this is embarrassing to admit... my country accent. But it wouldn't have been bad if one of my friends wasn't there to hear it... He was standing right in front of me! ;A; He was all like 'Is it okay if I called you today? Oh, and I was thinking of having you sing that one Akogare song or whatever' And right when I was about to respond some dumbass ran into me, and just started yelling at me like it was my fault! So I was pissed and started screaming 'Boy, you best git 'fore I shove my foot up yo ass!' I felt like a dumbass after that. My guy friend started laughing and making fun of me. ;A; But I swore him to secrecy, so... I still can't believe he heard my accent... I hate my accent. That's why I hide it, but I tend to forget to in the morning, right when I wake up... And it slips out every now and then... argh... I hate having a country accent. It's so... blegh. D=

argh.

I really don't want to go to school tomorrow. I hate choir. I hate it. It was great and all, but after what happened on Thursday, I never never want to go back again. Almost every girl in class got pissed about not getting a solo in the most retarded song we have to sing. We ended up spending the entire class arguing, mainly because the girls who were pissed were white trash queens who never learned when to sit down, shut up, and let little unimportant things go. I used to have a slight amount respect for most of the girls in choir, but after proving to be more shallow than I thought and making the director leave the room to cry in the restroom, I have lost all positive thoughts or feelings for them. Honestly, they had me holding back tears. Not because of the lack of respect for the choir director, but because I had a single thought running through my head: Oh dear god. I'm surrounded by shallow, bitchy, retarded, son of a bitch pieces of white trash whores.

I'm stuck with these people for the rest of high school too... at least until I move... I don't think I've ever been so happy of the thought of moving to Texas before in my life...

But ARGH!! I'm stuck with them! And I can't switch out because I need 1 credit in fine in performing arts, and 4 credits in my career pathway. Which is in the fine and performing arts. FUCK~ I hate this...

Pala plala! Pala pala!

China Bear~ China Bear~ I love you China Bear~

Panda Bear~ Panda Bear~ You want to smex China Bear~

Katie~ Katie~ You're a dumbass~

Katie! Billy! Lizzy! WE'RE THE FUCKING AWSOME GROUP! =D

We need to meet up together sometime. Maybe ihop? xD

China Bear~ Panda Bear~ We're lovers~ <3

Can't wait to meet up at the park~ <33

Rawr...

Dresses.
Nails.
Shoes.
Tiaras.
Signs.
Invitations.
Cakes.
Foods.
Centerpieces.
Themes.
Creative Accuracy.
Ideas.
Other Decorations.

...Parties are a fun bitch. I can't tell if I love planning them or not.

Save me ;.;

I really don't want to go to choir tomorrow. We're being forced to watch High School Musical. I hate High School Musical. And the reason we're watching? It has singing with choreography. So does Rent, but we're not watching that are we?! I mean, it's so much better than hsm. Plus it has a drag queen! You can't get much better than that. =3 *sigh* God, I really don't want to listen to those mindless shit faces try to sing, much less hear almost the entire choir singing along. They're bad enough when it comes to practicing Popular, but bringing in High School Musical is just pushing it. What's next? Are we gonna watch Hanna Montana all day? Argh. I'm gonna hate tomorrow.

...Crap. I'm really gonna hate tomorrow. I have math fcat. I hate math! The reading fcat today was easy, but I read everyday. And all the questions were all pretty much the same thing.


ARGH. My father is a douche. Gotta go.

Katie is a bitch

♪ She is such a witch~
I really hate her
Why does George date her?♪

Just kidding. You know Maria loves you! >3< (I can't really speak for myself =3 )

Strange...

I had a really weird dream last week that I just remembered. It kinda freaked me out... I don't remember some of what happened, but I remember being in a cemetery. There was a ghost. It looked like a beggar from the Victorian ages... Anyway, I was standing next to a tombstone that was about as tall as I was. It had the name 'Charlotte' on it. I was wearing a blue jacket, black shirt, black pants, and a hat. I had something in my hand, but I don't know what it was... anyway, the ghost went from looking human to looking like a demon and screamed 'beware the 16th' in my face. I gasped, and fell back. I can't remember what happened next, but I was at a carnival that was completely void of people, but all the rides were going. My clothes had changed to a sweet lolita outfit. I had a knife in my hand... and I walked over to the fun house. I stepped inside, and something grabbed me. I stabbed it, and it screamed 'beware the 16th'. I took a step back, and fell. This time I ended up in an abandoned building with a beautiful stage. I was sitting on the ground wearing a big, lilac ballgown with a silver scepter in my hand, my hair was up and I was wearing a tiara. Someone stepped onto the stage and aimed a gun at my chest. She kind of looked like Charlotte Bronte... But I felt calm for some reason... I slowly got up, and... I don't remember what happened, but she was screaming 'Death! Death! Death on the 16th! Beware the 16th!' Then she shot me, and I was sitting at the computer in my everyday clothes. I looked to my right, and there was a tall dark figure walking across the kitchen. I went to see who it was, but there was no one there. I looked in the rooms near the kitchen, but I was alone. I went to get something from my room when I saw a small, stooped over dark figure lock and slam my parents bedroom door. I panicked and tried to open it, but it wouldn't budge, so I went to look for something to open it with in my room, and on the wall next to my bed 'beware the 16th' was written in blood. I turned around to leave, and on the floor 'hell shall break free on the 16th' was written, and the carcass of some strange animal was on top of the tv... And then I woke up. It's strange since every time I sleep, I always see some fragment of that dream now... I have no idea what some of the things mean though. A carnival? Some abandoned building? A cemetery? A fun house? The only ties I can think of between all these places are... that I find them exciting, and there's something beautiful about all of them.

I just finished watching Nick and Norah's infinate playlist. It was pretty funny. Caroline was my favorite character. =3 Anyway, I was just in the bathroom doing my hair, when I thought I saw something move on the floor. I thought it was a roach or something, so I started screaming and freaking out. Needless to say, I feel like an idiot now. Oh well. It was fun as hell. =3

Anyway, it looks like I won't be going to a local park next weekend. I might be going to disney~! <333 It'd be funny as hell to bring Katie on a child leash. I'd tie her to a lamp post just outside the park and leave her there! xD God knows she'd be sitting there the entire time going 'how the hell do I undo this thing?' Don't deny it Katie. We all know you need help xDD

I have to go. I have to wake up early and go to a bridal show with my mom and sister. It's gonna be a pain in the ass to wake up though, considering I'm getting sick again. Yay. I just got sick last month. Joy. Joy. Joy. Argh. So I'm getting dizzy and having a hard time breathing, so I'm gonna go. bye.

Yay~! <3

This weekend might end up fun! <3>3< I want to see if any of my friends want to head out to a park or something and just mess around. Maybe a park with one of those spiny things~! I love those things!! <333

I don't know why but I haven't been able to stop listening to Chinese rap lately. Right now I'm listening to Leehom Wang's Fang kai ni de xing ^^; The funny thing is that for class one day, Mrs. Wang (the Chinese teacher) played the music video about 3 times. It was pretty fun. =33

Lol! my sister is on the crapper, and... god, it's so funny! She was just like 'if Bryan calls me back, tell him I'm on the crapper' and she ran into the bathroom and... god! It's so fucking funny! xDD

Anyway, my social studies teacher is still proving to be a douche, but whatever. The day after telling my health teacher that I don't give a flying fuck about sports, he has us watch a video on spies. It was awesome. =D

So yeah. I'm bored, and I can't stop listening to Chinese rap. God, I need a fucking life... Ah well. =/ Today was the last day my math class was in the computer lab, but I doubt it will be the end of our 'the answer is 7' joke x3

That reminds me... today, instead of doing our work, me and Katie were talking (as always) Today we were talking about suicide, and how we've both been having suicidal thoughts. But since the conversation was turning serious, I decided to joke around. I like 'dude! what if I hung myself in my room? I'd totally haunt my house. Scare the living crap out of people at 3 am!' She started laughing and said "I'd go to your house with a Ouija board and be all like 'what is the answer' and you'd end up saying 'the answer is 7'" We both burst out laughing, and the math teacher yelled at us and threatened to send us to the dean. Honestly, the teachers need some better threats. If they yelled out a death threat or something, then I'd definitely shut up. I know some of my teachers are crazy enough to probably do it too. =/

Anyway, I've been trying out a bunch of different hair styles, from as simple as straightening my hair with curled bangs, to so elaborate that I need to write down what to do, and end up with half a page of instructions. Most of them turn out pretty well, but almost all of them are a pain in the ass to undo. >>; I need to finish undoing my hair (it's taken me awhile. at least an hour...) so I'ma get going! Bye bye~!

Today was amazing~! I got all my tests back today. I got As on all of them! And on our way to the library, we (Ashly, Alex and me) start making fun the whore and her boyfriend (who I still believe is a woman. An ugly fag at the very least) which was fun, since on the parts of the conversation that were missing, we were talking about the celebrity 'boyfriends' we assigned each other. I got Mana, because Alex thought he was a woman, and Ashly said... well, that's our groups little secret ;) Anyway, Alex got Tim Allen, since she's afraid of him. When she protested, we threatened to throw a seagull at her xD Ashly got Britney Spears, since we all have theories that Britney is a man, and a very, very gay one at that. Also, Ashly found the thought of Britney repulsive more than any of us, so... =3

Anyway, Katie went with us to the library today, and on the way back I imitated her running. It's a ton of fun! xD Ashly almost pissed herself! It was amazing! x3 I wish the british George was with us though. He's really popular and 'cute' so I wanted to see what drives every spoiled princess and gay queen crazy (and poke fun at his accent =3 ) Anyway, I've got to get going! I have a party to go to~! <333

The best thing to ever come out of health class?

Bananas with bandanas with bananas with bandanas with bananas with bandanas with bananas... *continue never-ending chain* We were bored and just started talking about what the funnest things to say are, other than 'suggestive' and 'midget' xDD Katie said what we were all thinking: Hemoglobin. We all burst out laughing, and the teacher threatened to send us to the dean. Again. So we just kept talking. Anyway, I said 'bananas' was a fun word to say, and ended up telling a Demetri Martin joke xD Maria was next, and she said 'bandanas', so I was just like 'OMG~! Fucking bananas with bandanas! Bananas with bandanas' and I kept doing that until Jason started chanting with us (I already brought in Maria, Katie, Charlie Brown, and Grant). We told him he ruined the joke and that he should go kill himself. He knew we were kidding, since we couldn't stop laughing.

Anyway, with the FCAT (Florida Comprehensive Assessment Test. The state test.) being 3 days away, my english teacher has been having us do practice tests all week. Today before class started she told me that I had gotten perfect scores on all the practice test material, and that she expected a 6 out of me. I think she's aiming too high, considering a 6 is the highest grade possible, and the last time I checked, you could only get a 6 on the writing test... which 9th graders don't take. Ah well. I understood what she ment anyway. Besides, if she checked my FCAT scores, she'd know that I've been getting 5s on reading FCAT since 4th grade (FCAT is from 3rd grade to 11th)

Choir is easier now that I'm not getting dizzy as often. My eyes are killing me though... Oh well. As long as I can sing, I'm fine. =3

The walks to the library are fun, so we (we being Alex, Ashly, and me) decided to record our conversations and such. Some of the talks are boring, like talking for more than a minute without laughing or screaming, but others are fun, so... yeah... =333

Forgot to mention...

Kai. Angie. Paul. Dean. Gauge. Chirstie. I want my fucking mic back.

Ash. Ashly. Ashley. George. Kim-kim. You guys still owe me $5 each >3<

Doom. Chase. You're awesome x33 All of you groups. Don't act like you don't live together. >>;



Oh, Katie... THE ANSWER IS 7.

Rawr. =33

School is so~ much fun~! <3 Today, on our way to the library, we saw a group of guys turn over a golf cart! It was funny~!!

Also, yesterday was awesome. Book club had cupcakes, and when I got home, we had junk food, played games, watched movies,ect. Okay, gonna go now. We're having root beer floats!

It's painful. My head won't stop spinning. I can't stand, walk, sing. It's a miracle I finished reading Rebel Angels. I don't think that was the best idea though, since it ended up giving me a headache from both crying and trying to read...

I haven't eaten all day, but I haven't really been hungry. I can't really look at food without feeling sick though...

I tried listening to music, but that just made the headache worse, so since it's Port Charlotte, I'm stuck in an overcrowded house (6 people in 2 bedrooms. Yay... Someone please kill me.) in a quiet neighborhood. I'm not used to quiet. After living two blocks away from a firehouse and an interstate for about 12 years, you tend to not be used to the quiet.

Ugh... It's hot out and now my sister and her husband are arguing (again), so I'm just going to go sleep.

I left school early. I left around the end of first hour (about 9:15 am) because I was really dizzy. I couldn't stand up by myself, so someone had to help me. My head has finally stopped spinning, but school ended for today, so there's no point in going back. At least I had stopped by the library before class as always, other wise I would have been stuck rereading one of my books. I finished reading A Great and Terrible Beauty a few days ago, and I started reading the second book, Rebel Angels, last night. It's really good, with more mystery and magic than the first book. I checked out the third and final book, The Sweet Far Thing, and I can't wait to read it. It shouldn't be long either. I'm half way done with Rebel Angels (a 548 page book) so I should be able to finish by the end of the day. The Sweet Far Thing is somewhat longer, about 800 something pages, so that one should take me about 2 days tops. Well, I'm going to get back to reading, since I'm at a really fluffy part, and I'm in the mood for some fluff.

I'm screwed. I'm gone to Georgia for a few days, and I can't catch up on my work. I have four tests to make up, 10 math pages left to do (each with a minimum of 30 questions on each side), 3 projects (that are all due tomorrow), 4 papers on psychology (damn the social studies teacher), an essay on classical music and it's impact on people through history (I can't complain about this one. I love classical music and history, so...), A review of Phantom of the Opera (Again, I can't complain. I love that movie >3<), and because the Health teacher is a douche, I have to make a crossword puzzle with 30 health terms. And I'm 'not allowed to use big words', since I'm pretty much the only person who can understand anything longer than 3 letters.

...I hate my life.

School is an oasis. Except for Social Studies, math, and Health. Chinese was good, even though the teacher won't be back from China until Monday. (She went for the cremation ceremony of her mother. I ended up having everyone in Chinese sign a poster board turned card for her.) I can't wait for her to come back. She's really funny, nice, and just awesome to be around. She's my favorite teacher ever.

Social Studies was boring, and the teacher proved himself to be a major ass. I'm going to hate the class for the rest of the year. I can tell. English was dull. We just sat at the computer writing poetry. It wasn't really related to the book we read either... (Copper Sun. The author's name escapes me at the moment.)

Math was hell as always, but the 10 minute walk to the library was fun. I was walking with Alex and Ashly as always. We spent about three minutes there, saying quick hellos to some friends and the librarians, putting books on hold, and saying bye to our other friends there, and beginning our 10 minute walk back. We recorded about 2 minutes of our random chatter, proving it to be more fun than we thought.

Choir was hell. I couldn't sing anything higher than a c without getting dizzy, and being soprano 1, that is not a good thing. We practiced The Song of Angels, and most of our notes are well above c, making it difficult for me to stand. I ended up gripping my desk through most of the song. I almost passed out after sitting back down. I hate how it's been so hard to sing lately. I've never been able to sing low notes, and now I can't sing high notes, so now I feel trapped. I feel like a horrible failure. I can't sing, and it's killing me. The one thing I consider worse than living in Port Charlotte for the rest of my life, being unable to sing... I hate it. I miss being able to jump from a to high g. I hate this...

And finally, my least favorite class. Health. Coach Wiseman is an ass. The sound of his voice annoys the living hell out of me. He's a perfectionist. He's a hard ass. But his worst quality is that he always has to link everything with sports. Seriously, when I'm in his class I feel like begging Maria (my friend who sits behind me) to stab me repeatedly with a blunt object. Today we were talking about anger management, and every time he said something he looked at me (so what if I got the highest score on some anger management test? It was only a 96 out of 100. It proves nothing.) and tied every little thing he said with fucking sports. Then what does he do? He asks me if there's anything I want to add after every anger management tip. I felt like saying 'Yeah. Why don't you shut the hell up about sports? I have no fucking idea what you're talking about, and I have no desire to find out.' but instead I just shake my head no and go back to reading. (I also think most of the people there need to spend more time reading. It's sad when the dumbest person in all their other classes suddenly turns into the smartest one there because they know what 'incidental' and 'conceited' mean.) 30 minutes into class and coach Wiseman's ramblings about football helps with anger triggers, I end up passing a note to Maria and Kaite (she was sitting next to Maria) saying 'This old fart is pissing me off.' They both started laughing, and coach Wiseman threatened to send us to the dean. We didn't care though. He'd been making the same empty threat since the first day of his class.

Wonderful. Fucking great. Things were going fine since my last post, but my dad just had say something. I swear, almost everytime he opens his mouth he ends up pissing me off. Why the hell can't he leave me alone? It's bad enough that everytime I'm in the library for more than 5 minutes he barges in and drags me out by my hair. If he's not gonna be the first to go, then I will!

First? Yay.

I hate it. I hate it here. Port Charlotte is worse than hell. I'm not even doing this of my own free will. So why am I here? My doctor thinks it will be good for my ADD, short term memory loss, and emotional problems. Yay. And the best part? I'm stuck living in Port Charlotte until My best friend turns 18 on March 17. Two years from now. I can't stand to be in Port Charlotte for another minute! I hate it! I hate it! I hate it more than anything!! I'd rather kill myself than spend another minute here! I'd rather die! I can't stand it! It's a small town, so naturally, there's nothing to do. And when the best, and most exciting thing of my life was supposed to happen? I'm dragged out of state for a fucking wedding! Who cares?! It's only a cousin!! I have at least 400 more! Who cares if I miss one out of a possible 400?!... Okay, maybe only 399, unless my lesbian cousin turns straight or goes to Vegas or something. But that's not the point! I'm just sick of the fact that I'm stuck in this tiny hell hole that almost literally grows smaller every fucking day! I miss what is supposed to be the best day of my life, seeing Jay Asher, author of one of my favorite books, 13 Reasons Why. He was at my school, the mini hell (with a few rays of awesome) named Charlotte High School. But no. I was dragged out to Georgia. I hated it. I was furious. I wanted to cry. I still do. I'm forcing back tears right now, and it's killing me. The main reason I can't get over it, even when it's been 5 days already? There's nothing here to take my mind off of it. Port Charlotte is tiny (not even 22 square miles) so there's nothing here but nursing homes. We lost our only arcade about... 3 or 4 years ago, lost our only comic book shop last year, lost one bookstore (out of 2) about 5 or 6 years ago, and nothing has come up in their places. The mere thought of Port Charlotte makes me want to scream. To yell. To cry. To go insane. It makes me feel as though the only people to have ever come from here are destined to be failures. Homeless. Unhappy. Alone. Hated. Dead. Jay Asher coming was my only little ray of hope that I was wrong. That my life wasn't going to end up that way. I felt that if someone happy and successful came, it would prove to me that there might be hope. But I missed the words I needed to hear. I can't stand it. I just can't! I want to be free from this hell! I want to die! I'd rather die! I want to be as far away from here as possible! Even if it means death! I'll do anything! I hate it here! I want to be happy... I want to feel as though I don't need to hide who I am. I want to live somewhere where everybody isn't an exact clone of everyone else. I don't want to be somewhere I have to drink to escape my problems. Yes. I've turned to drinking to comfort me. I started back in middle school, along with smoking and cutting myself. I haven't smoked in years, but... I've gotten back into cutting myself. I don't cut my wrists, but I cut the back of my legs so I can hide it from my friends. From everyone. I know I'm practically destroying myself, but god knows there's no point to living if I have to stay here. I don't care if it kills me. In fact, I hope it does. Who knows. I might just say I'm going to the store, and run out in the middle of US 41 and hope I get hit. Or I could ask my parents to take me somewhere, and halfway there I could just open the car door and jump out. Or I could go jump off the bridge connecting Charlotte Harbor and Punta Gorda. I just want a way out of Port Charlotte. Away from the shallow puddles claiming to be human that roam the streets here. Away from all the memories. Both good and bad. I want to start over and be happy... I think I know the best way out... I could run away. Me and Ashly and Alex. We could just leave. No one would notice. It's not as if anybody lives with me now. Oh wait. My mother and father. But how should I know? My mother is always working now, and my father is always out getting drunk or sleeping with hookers. And my brother? He won't be here anyway. Duty calls. He's 21 and a Marine, so there's no chance of seeing him anytime soon. My Sister? And my Brother-in-law? Up in Jacksonville. Their families? Wouldn't notice if either of them was gone. Ashly's sister is a drug addict, and Alex's little sister is almost legally insane. I'm pretty much living by myself, so running off with 2 of my best friends would be heaven. Maybe... I'll see what the rest of the month brings.