.....

I'm pretty happy right now I guess....

I've got a few volunteer jobs that I love, I have friends who care about me and for who I would give the world to see happy every moment of their lives, I'm in choir working hard to improve in singing as much as I can, I've got a few chances to achieve my dream, I have a chance to see Morning Musume, I have a family that I love with all my heart, I have amazing and cute pets, I have some great classes and great teachers, and it seems as though everywhere I look, I'm surrounded by people who love me.

...I... I feel so happy. And so fortunate. I... I can fall on my ass, and I know a friend will just point and laugh. I can break down and start crying in the middle of class, and I know a friend will start picking on someone to make me laugh. I can act like a total bitch, and I know a friend will slap me across the face and tell me to stop. I can start singing in class, and I know a friend will stand up and join me. I can make a mistake, and I know a friend will correct me... My friends are amazing, and I love them. Even if we get upset, sad, happy, or start fighting, I know everything will be alright because we're amazing like that.

I love my family. Sure, my immediate family is small, consisting of my mother, who I love so much and will always be my mommy, even if say otherwise, my sister, who I used to fight with everyday but ended up like a best friend to me, my brother, who I miss and worry about everyday, my brother in law, who is the newest addition to my family, but I still love the same as every one else, my father, and myself... But my extended family is much larger. Having two short, but wonderful grandmothers, 36 known aunts and uncles, some of which I've never met, but I know if cool in their own way, and about 400 known cousins, most of which I've never met, but I know with that many of them... there's bound to be plenty of bonds to be made. Plenty of family to love. Plenty of love to share.

I wish everyday for those precious to me to be happy. To live long happy lives, and to fall in love with the perfect someone. It seems strange to think about myself. It seems strange for me not to sacrifice something for someone else's happiness. And when I don't... Immediately after, I wish I had. But... god, I'm such a dumbass! I feel like a dumbass and a burden just for existing... Everyday, I wish I could just disappear. I feel as though that'll just solve everything...

...I'm an idiot. I don't even know what I'm saying anymore.... just... I don't know....